What if!!

 I was wondering if I could do something over, would my life be different? On Monday night I watched American Ninja Warriors and there was a guy in his mid twenties who had Cerebral Palsy. He wore braces on his legs when he was a kid and now he is competing on American Ninja Warrior.  He doesn’t have to wear braces anymore. If you don’t know, America Ninja Warrior features an obstacle course and you have to use your upper body strength to complete it. I am doing something like that with Cros.fit every Tuesday and every other Thursday. 

I remember when I was a kid I had to wear braces on my legs too. But I don’t know why I needed to wear them because I couldn’t walk on my own, only with help from others. I used to crawl around the house with the braces on my legs. the braces were pinching my bum, so I didn’t like them. One day I stopped wearing them and I started doing whatever I wanted to. Babies can walk at an early age as my two sisters did, but I was 13 years old when I finally got up to try to walk on my own. I remember one time when I was on the couch watching television and I needed to go to the bathroom; I thought I could try to take couple of steps and see how far I can go without falling. My mom would cautiously watch me from the kitchen but I didn’t care in the moment, I wanted to try to take a few steps on my own without falling. I began taking a step and another one and then two more steps and so on until I reached the bathroom. I felt like a baby taking her first wobbly steps. I know that sounds crazy at 13 years old, but if you were me in that moment you would’ve understood just how big of a deal it was. I will never forget that day. 

Today I can’t take steps anymore because of the mini stroke I had 7 years ago. As a result of the stroke, I have fallen a lot over the years and have split my head open. I still have scars on my head from this. Watching American Ninja Warriors, it got me thinking… if I keep working at it and doing cross fit, would I become as strong as him? Watching him, you would never know that he used to wear braces on his legs. I wonder if I continue to push myself and my body, will I be able to walk on my own again? Will I ever be able to do the same things I did before I had the mini stroke? I am inspired by the stories I hear of others, like this man on American Ninja Warriors, because it brings me hope and optimism. I have hope and optimism that I will be able to help my body heal in order to do things that I used to do, such as taking steps. I have hope and optimism that I will be able to grow and strengthen my body so that I can do even more than I could before. 

If this man could spend his childhood wearing braces on his legs, to now be competing on American Ninja Warrior, what does this mean to me? I was able to take steps on my own before, and now this is an obstacle that I am overcoming. Thinking back to that moment when I was 13 is something that is bittersweet. I wish I could relive it over and over again, but I also use it as motivation to continue to push myself. I know that one day I will be able to do even more than I could before I had the stroke. Everything takes time, patience, and effort. I am going to keep working out and building my strength and endurance. I aim to inspire myself and others. 

Here is my thoughts and feelings about having a disability!!

There are some good things and bad things about having Cerebral Palsy. For example, because I have Cerebral Palsy, I know a lot about myself and have learned a lot, but also, I talk like I’m fucking drunk and people don’t understand what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. My cerebral palsy will not define me or hold me back from achieving anything that I want to do in my life. I am more than simply my disability. I am a sister, an auntie, and a friend. I am someone who can do anything she sets her mind to. 

I love my life and I have accomplished a lot of really amazing things in my life. I won’t ever be sorry for anything that I have done. I’m a blogger and a writer. I blog about things that are important to me and also things that I have done. I write short stories about things that I know very well, and that is people who have a disabilities. I’m not an existential writer but I am not going to stop writing. I started blogging in 2010 as just something new to do. I was creating a space for myself to be open and honest about my feelings and experiences. Blogging is something that brings me happiness, and lets me focus on my mental health by airing all my shit out. I enjoy the sense of community that it brings, and also that there is a chance that someone reading could relate to what I am going through, and see that they aren’t alone. 

But there is something inside me that I am feeling very strongly and I need to write about it. It is how people see people who have a disabilities like me. if they only took the time to get to know me, they would see that there is more to me. but they only want to see what they want to see. I feel like people don’t give me a chance by actually getting to know who I am as a person. If they did, they would see that there is a lot more to me than just my disability. Everyone has things that they cannot change about themselves, that they have to learn to adapt to and live with. For me, this is my disability. It is not something that I chose, but instead something that I must live with everyday. I am not defined by my disability, but it is a part of who I am. 

My experience with cerebral palsy is something that has good parts but also bad parts. I know that sometimes it can be a little hard to understand when I am speaking as a result of it, but I wish that people would try harder to meet me where I’m at. It drives me crazy when people ignore me and talk to whoever I am with because I am perfectly capable. I don’t like when I’m out in public and people stare at me. I understand to a point that not everyone has experience meeting people with disabilities, but I am still a human being. 

Now that I have finished my race, and don’t have anything planned in the near future, I am hoping to dedicate more of my time to writing and blogging. I want to continue to educate people about what life is like as someone with a disability, and also share my thoughts and feelings. I want to create my short stories as a more relatable and meaningful way to share my experiences, and the experiences of other people with disabilities and what they face on a daily basis. To me, writing and blogging are important pieces of my life, and I enjoy educating others about what it is like to be in my shoes. 

 

My Next Adventure!!

 I’m wondering to myself what is the next chapter in my life that I want to take on.  Not sure what I want to do but I want to challenge myself. My roommate said you could swim Vernon to Kelowna. My trainer asked what is my next challenge. She suggested to go to another swimming competition. It is another one in Kelowna that is in August every year. You have to swim 7km. To be honest I love being in the water because I can be free from knowing that I have a disability and think about whatever I want. I can be by myself with my thoughts.

Sometimes I am really wondering how my family and friends think about me and what I want to do with my life. I know sometimes I can give my mom a heartache but when  I put my mind on something I don’t give up. I believe that this is my life not anybody else’s, so I should be able to live it the way I want it to.

Five years ago I was on holiday with my family and the last night we were camping and then their was two guys who had disabilities. They were from Australia and they travelled in a van and were going all over the world and they do it for a living. Thinking back 7 years ago, when I had my mini stroke, I was in so much pain that I couldn’t believe that I had seen them and now I think about them right now that I’m writing another blog post. 

I would love to hop in a car and get out of here all by myself and don’t think about anybody or anything. I would like to travel around with my family and my friend. However, I think it would be more fun to go travelling around the world on my own. Going to places that I want to go to and see if I can get around on my own and meet people and see if I can get some help from them. Would they help or they would look at me and say WHAT THE FUCK. 

Sometimes I think about doing something like that and seeing how people react to me. I think people here have a good sense of taking time to talk to someone like me. I know people don’t understand me and I sound like someone who is drunk. Most of the time my family and friends don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, I am working on a story about five people with disabilities and their lives after high school. I am trying to give to the world a glimpse of what living with a disability looks like. The story is called “How do you know right for wrong?”, as the characters go through traumatic experiences that changed their lives. Life is the balance between good and bad and it is similar for all humans. However, it can be harder on people with disabilities, especially if they don’t have the right support. 

My thoughts and feelings on this big goal that I did!!!

Hi Everyone,

 

I often feel that I need to show people that I am not just a person with a disability.  I try really hard to not let me disability affect me or stop me from accomplishing things in my life.  I have had many interesting adventures such as jumping off the Sky Tower in Auckland New Zealand, parasailing in Okanagan Lake, Swimming with Dolphins in Tortola in the Caribbean, Riding in an inflatable boat through white water in the Alaskan wilderness, petting a Koala in Australia and a baby crocodile in the Florida Everglades, I ski and I am on a soccer team.  

 

Seven years ago, my life changed.  I had a mini stroke and my whole body had shut down and I felt I had to get back to where I was.  I started back to exercising and a year later I was beginning to feel my normal again.  I decided that for my 40th birthday I wanted to accomplish something really big.  I had to think about it for a while but I came up with swimming across the Okanagan Lake in the Interior Savings Across the Lake Swim held annually (July) in Kelowna, BC.  It is a 2.1-kilometre swim so I knew it would be a great goal and I started training in 2019 so I would be ready to go in 2021.   I was even Athlete of the Week in December of 2019.   Well, we all know what happened in 2020 – Covid hit and I had to stop training.  I was out of the pool for almost 2 years.  I was also diagnosed with having a hip issue.  Because of my cerebral Palsy my muscles are too tight and they were pulling my bone out of the hip socket.  Here we go again, everything seemed to be stacking up against me.  BUT with some medical intervention I got my groove back.  So, in late 2022 I was able to get back into the pool 3 times a week and I also found a gym where I could see a trainer and work 1 – 1 (2 times a week) to push me towards my goal.  Last Saturday, July 15 2023, I met the goal head on.  I got in the water at 7:45 am and began my swim at 7:55 – 2 hours, 23 minutes and 2 seconds later I got back in my wheel chair and celebrated with lots of friends and family at the finish line.  I am so proud of myself, and I know everyone is feeling pride for me.  Don’t ever give up!  You can do anything you set your mind to.  I’m just enjoying the afterglow of this event and in the upcoming months I will be thinking about what my next goal should be.

Pictures and videos of July 15

 

My Thoughts

 I have been a blogger for a while now and I have written a couple of powerful blog posts here on “Wheels About”. However, today I am sitting in Starbucks and I wonder “What would my life be like it I didn’t have disabilities”. That would mean my parents would have three normal kids. Would we be close? Don’t get me wrong I am happy with my life and proud of all I’ve accomplished. I am so grateful to be living with my best friend, and I’m writing a lot even though I’m not an amazing writer. Sometimes when it’s quiet and I’m lost in my thoughts, I feel like I should be doing more with my life. I don’t think about being married or having a family like my sisters do… But I do want to make a name for myself. I’m really inspired by Rick Hansen’s work, I’d like to make an impact like his someday. 

My disability affects all aspects of my life but all I can do is be myself and handle things as they come. When I talk to people they don’t know what I’m saying because I sound like a fucking drunk and it sounds funny!! It’s true and I can’t lie about that, you can ask my family and friends who know me very well! Sometimes I wish I didn’t talk like a fucking drunk and sounded like a normal person instead. 

Sometimes I feel like I lack in cognitive abilities and if I had more brains, maybe I’d be interested in college or university. After that, maybe I could get a full time job but would I be able to handle it? Would my heart be in it? 

I want to do more with my life and be a bigger advocate for people with disabilities. I’ve done a lot of cool stuff like jump off the Auckland Tower in New Zealand, and travel the world. I’ve also done my fair share of stupid stuff that was funny at the time. 

I know it’s common for people to be prejudice or make assumptions based on my wheelchair, so hopefully my advocacy will help “normalize” life with a disability. I have an idea to write a screenplay that’s a spin off of the show “Friends”; about 5 friends with different kinds disabilities. We’ll see if I can get that idea off the ground or not. Why not? I have nothing to lose. Maybe I could get more representation of people with disabilities on the big screen. 

Swimming

 Well it was my first time back in the water for a while.  I tell myself that I would take it easy to get back to where I was but that not was the case. I thought I would go for 10 laps but I went for 20. It  was good to get back swimming and feel like I can do anything that I put my mind too. 

But I feel like I am normal person and I am practicing for the Olympics… but I am not. Sometimes I look at the other people swimming and I wish I could swim like them but I keep on doing what I can! I push myself with everything I do in my life and I know it hurts me later. No pain no gain though haha 😆 I love the water, it makes me feel free!! I feel like I was a fish in a past life. Maybe I was a rainbow fish, something very unique that stands out in all the best ways. 

When I swim, even with a whole lane to myself… I’m never really alone. I always have my sister with me in my heart… even though we are so far apart, I feel that we have this bond when it comes to water. There are a lot of “shared experiences” that twins have and due to us being so different, I didn’t have as many “shared” experiences with my sister. However, the water makes both of us come alive in some unexplainable way.