Who I am: My name is Shawna Mattinson, and I have cerebral palsy. I am a writer blogger, and I write about my feelings and thoughts on what is on my mind. And what matters most to me, and I stress that I write letters to the mayors and the prime ministers of Alberta to get my voice heard. And also I have written a couple of short stories regarding someone who has a disability. Every so often I think about having the confidence of sending them away and seeing if I could find someone who wants to help me publish them, but I don’t feel confident enough in my ability in my writing. A couple of years ago my friend and I went to watch a play, and this was put on by a young woman about her life and her family. It was so powerful and inspiring, and I have thought about the play a lot these past weeks. So I did more writing on my life, and I did a part of my life that was a bit difficult for me because I was ashamed of myself, but I thought that I had to be more creative and honest with my writing. So I thought about it, and then I just opened up my iPad and started typing what was on my mind, and I was being more open and honest.
Being honest, I am not convinced that my writing is good or honest. There is a guy who was blind, and he died a few years ago, and he was a blogger. Every time I read his blog, I find I can relate to him, and I believe he was an excellent writer.
When I listen to music there are some songs that I really like and they have some powerful lyrics. Then I think of sitting down and writing something into lyrics but I don’t think of it like that I don’t have the talent for that. But I wrote a poem about my life living in a wheelchair. I wonder if I stayed in the normal classroom would I have more knowledge in my mind. Would I be able to go to college or university and get a degree in something that I could do in my life. I know that I don’t have the knowledge like some other people who have a disability.
I just wonder what it would be like if I didn’t have a disability. Don’t get me wrong I love my life and I’m so lucky of what I got to do with my life. Here are my thoughts and feelings about having cerebral palsy, and I will be truly honest with my thoughts and feelings on this matter. A part of having a disability is sucking, and every so often I think about my life without having a disability. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, and I am grateful for everything that I can do, like travel and get to see other places around the world. Like Japan, Mexico, Hawaii, Australia, and New Zealand, I jumped off the Sky Tower in Auckland. I have travelled to different countries, and it was wonderful to experience, but it’s not easy for someone who has a disability like me.
Sometimes I want to go to get my high school diploma because I only really got a modified diploma when I graduated from high school in 1999. A part of me wanted to get it because I wanted to go to university and get a degree in psychology. But I am not sure if I can do that work because I feel stupid in my head I feel like I don’t have the knowledge to do this. I also feel that I should just keep working on my writing and see if I can be a playwright or screenwriter.
Sometimes I just want to put my work on my blog and see if anyone knows of anyone who is interested in publishing my work. But on the other hand I know that I am not a good enough writer yet to get someone who wants to read my works.
Sometimes I imagine that I am Shawna’s Mattinson without having a disability but I do have a disability. But my disability does not define who I am or what I want in my life!
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