Thursday, November 19, 2015

This Is My Voice About Being Handicapped

I wrote an article about my thoughts and feelings on having cerebral palsy back in August 2011. It was about what life might be like if I did not have cerebral palsy, and if I would want that life. Being honest with myself, I always think about what if my parents had three normal daughters. Would I be the same person I am today? Probably not. I don't know what my life would be like and I don't want to think that way. I have a good life and I'm so grateful for my family and friends. On the other hand when I see someone in a wheelchair who has no idea what is going on, I don't want that for me. I hope my family would make the right choice for them and my sisters to let me go because I would have no quality of life.

But right now in my life I feel like my disability is helping me to accomplish what I want. I know it might sound crazy that I feel like my disability is an asset to me. But it's true, it's part of my identity. With this condition I live a more powerful story that I can share with others. I hope my story can help others to overcome obstacles in their own life. My own struggle has made me a more compassionate person. But don't pity me! I have done a lot, I'm an accomplished person in my life. I wrote a book about living with cerebral palsy, I went on a 36 day cruise with my best friend, I jumped off the Sky Tower in Auckland NZ.

But it's not all rainbows and daisies, there are definitely some drawbacks to being disabled... When I go out with family or friends, people treat me like a baby. I don't like that because I am a grown woman. They only see my physical disability and they think that I have no idea what's going on. Often times people won't ask me what I want, they ask whoever is with me instead. It kind of sucks having a disability. Some things are hard for me, and it takes me a little bit longer to get stuff done. When someone tells me NO, I don't even understand the word. When something comes my way, I always push through. Or when I talk to people I have to say it over and over because I'm difficult to understand. Relationships have always been difficult for me, even within my own family. I feel like my nieces and nephew don't really want someone like me for an Aunty. It's not their fault and I know they love me for me and I love them too, but it's definitely a different dynamic.

This is who I am, I am on a path on my own. I want to help people understand who I am and what I want out of life. This is also greater than me, the little girl inside of me is finally taking her footsteps to walking. I am not alone, I have tribe of people behind me.