Feeling left out or Feeling included!

What is it to feel left out or to feel included, to me?

Well here are my thoughts about the subject of feeling left out or feeling included and living with a disability.  This is part two of the blog that I wrote on my thoughts and feelings about being handicapped!!  The blog that I post it was on Aug, 3 2013.

I do not know what my life would be like if I did not have Cerebral Palsy.  If I answer that question I think it would mean I would lie to myself on some level and say the past 32 years never happened.  I am so proud of myself for what I have accomplished, so ignoring my experience with life being me would take away too much.  I realize now that I am not ashamed of my life challenges.  I am a woman who always tries to get more from life.

For a long time I felt like an outsider with my disability but now I don't feel that way anymore.  What really matters is being happy in life.  When I'm out with family and friends I feel loved and included.   Some people who I know with a disability want a relationship with a partner and it seems like that is all they want in their life. If I found someone to share my life with, that would be wonderful but it's not the end of the world if I don’t.  And I am not waiting around.  I am happy being me.

People who know me know I have goals and dreams that I want for my life. My friends make me feel included in everything we do together.  We enjoy each other no matter what we are doing, like going out to a movie and supper. But sometimes when I go out around others, there are people who look at me and then they ask my friends what I want rather than asking me. This is when I feel the greatest amount of exclusion.  I believe that many people don't know anything about someone who has a life challenge.

Getting Out There - Fun activities with friends

We don't know how much time that we have on this earth so I want to spend time with my loved ones and friends. In my life, while growing up with my sisters it was very hard for me to watch them go out with their friends.  I was someone with extra life challenges and I wanted so badly to be independent. This was one of the reasons it was easy for me to make up my mind to move out of my parents house into a group home when I turned 18.
I lived in a group home for approximately eleven years and I was able to go out with friends and have a life of my own. However, there were limitations.  At that time it meant that I was allowed to go out with friends but it was inconvenient because It was necessary to check with my parents and to get permission according to the rules of the home.  Although the group home was a good transition for me, It is better now that I live with my best friend.  There is ample opportunity to enjoy time with my family and friends but I have the freedom to choose when and how I spend my time.
Parents who have children with life challenges may think they are doing the right thing for them by sheltering them away from too much responsibility.  Maybe they believe their child can't handle the outside world. I believe the parents of a child with additional challenges needs to allow the person (whenever possible), the opportunity to experience their own life.
If we are at all able, we all need to go out and have a life for ourselves.  We all need to learn what it is to have freedom, to have some fun.  We cannot live our lives through someone else.  I have not been on the parent’s side of the equation but I think we are fortunate to be living in a country where there are supports available for persons with life challenges.  It is not perfect I know but we are lucky for sure.
Some parent’s may feel no one can look after their child better than they can.  I think some risks are worth taking because the result can mean the person may feel less challenged.  Being less dependent on my parents helped me to feel less challenged as a person.  I am grateful that my parents did the right thing by letting me be as independent as possible when I was a young woman. They supported my choice to move out and have my own life.  My parents will be here for me as long as they are able but I now have my own life and I am free to go out in the world without my family.  It is the right thing for me.
It is ok if parents do not want their child to move out on their own but it will be very difficult for a person with a life challenge to be independent if they always rely on their parents.
Bottom line is that we need freedom to explore our life and freedom to make the choice of how we spend our time and to act on the value we have for our family and friends?