Hard

Good, I’m happy to back to the gym for now. But I’m kind of disappointed in myself for taking off two months. Just over two months. It’s been almost a year that I’ve been working out with a trainer. 

My trainer made me lift 10lbs and then 15lbs without any assistance. It’s called hoeing, you puta rope over a bar and then you put weights  on it. You try to pull it up to over the bar she helped me with the first one and then the second one was 10 lbs. in the middle of the rope they have tape around it about this long… this much is tape. It was good. The second and the third one I can pull it down on my own without any assistance. She added another Five lbs. she helped me with a 15 lbs weight. The second one I did it on my own. That one was ten lbs. I feel really proud of myself but I need a little help getting over the tape. I feel happy that I did it. And she let me. My big problem is my arm strength. If I do my arm curls fast I don’t actually work my muscles. I need to take my time. 

I feel bad that I can’t do it. I feel like my trainer showed me another side of myself that I never thought I could do anything like this. I feel proud of myself. I want to go farther than I am and what I can do. I know that when I, there and what I’m doing is helping me a lot. I know when I, working out it helps me in my day to day life. It helps me with my soccer and swimming and getting me around easier. 

What has changed about me? I feel like I have more confidence in myself. It feels like I can do more stuff on my own. When I work out with her she only sees me, not my disability. 

When I do it I have to put all of my might and my concentration onto holding onto the rope and pulling it because I’m pulling it up by myself. It feels like I’m there by myself and I don’t think about where I am or the world around me. All I’m thinking about is pulling the weight up. Everything falls out of my head, all I’m focused on is can I do it faster than before.  I have to hang on really tight and the rope feels rough in my hands. It hurts because I have to pull with all my upper body strength. I’m sitting down, everyone else does this exercise standing up. They can pull with everything in their body, but not me. With each pull of the rope my body feels like it’s ascending up a mountain. When I get to the top of the bar it feels like I finally repel down relax at the bottom… only to do it all over again.